So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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