My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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