I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
