Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
