Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you had me at cake vodka
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
