Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
