please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
