he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
