Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
