I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
