"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize