so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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