with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
