I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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