This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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