Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
