Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
