apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
