I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize