You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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