You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
