Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
