If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I love you. Go after that dick
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
