Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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