I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
