i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
