If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
