Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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