If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
