When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize