I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
