And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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