I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
