Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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