He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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