Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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