I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
