is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
