well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
