So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
