I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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