i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
