Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
