I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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