so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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