can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
