you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
