i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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