you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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