I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
