'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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