i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
