he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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