Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
