So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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