Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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