his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
