My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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