watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
