on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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