he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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