He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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