I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
